You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize