...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
