Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
