I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
