My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
