ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
