I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
