I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
