I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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