I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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