At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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