I think I won the penis lottery.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize