I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
