I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
