Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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