This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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