Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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