And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
