After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
