u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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