I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
