Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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