talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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