Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
