If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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