This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
