I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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