We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
