is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
