You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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