Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
