tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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