New low: just hacked my moms facebook
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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