I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
