I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
