Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
