exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What a dumb baby whore.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
