All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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