i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
