sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
