Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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