Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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