idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
