this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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