So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
