It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
