All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
