True but thats because hes a fetus.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
