Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
