And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
