You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
