Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
