I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
