I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm so fucking centered right now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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