You made me cry and you don't even care
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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