I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
