hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
