Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
