So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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