She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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