People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
