Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
