my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she smelled like a LAN party
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
