maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
