can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
