Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize