I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
