My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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