I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
