All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
