A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
